Full Disclosure – Part 1

[Warning: Extremely long post…]

Being single is a strange thing. We want to meet people, but we want to meet for a multitude of different reasons – a good portion of the time not for the same reasons. So what are people supposed to do?

Dating takes time and money. The end result (hell, even the starting result) may not always be what you were looking for, yet you’re now out all this time and money. The process can often repeat itself over and over, with a wild variety of outcomes. This can become frustrating and discouraging for many people. This is especially true for introverts like me. But we still have to try, right?

We’ve all heard of these dating or matchmaking sites like eHarmony and Match.com that are supposed to help us weed out the ones that are less likely to be in sync with our wants and needs. In theory, this makes sense, but then you run into problems with people not being very honest with how they’ve portrayed themselves online. Misleading photos and bios that people post to make them look better or simply different than they really are – even if just slightly – might not be found out until later, after much time (and possibly money) has been spent getting to know one another online.

Yeah, yeah, I can hear some of you now… “but looks aren’t everything” or “what does it matter, if you feel something for them in the end?”. That’s not my point. What I’m getting at is how can a future relationship expect to flourish after the intial contact and basis for those feelings is based on a lie?

I’ll be honest with you: looks matter to me, to some extent. They’re not all that I’m looking at, but if I’m not attracted to a woman in some physical way, chances are that I’m going to pursue it much further. To some looks really aren’t that important, and that’s what works for them. Lying to me about your looks or showing me only your assets is just going to reveal itself when I actually see you – and I’ll be none to happy about it. Just put your best foot forward and be yourself!

The next two things that I find important are intelligence and logic. Contrary to what some may think, they do not always co-exist within the same person. Looks may get you attention, but you gotta have something behind that pretty face to hold mine for very long. I want to be able to discuss theories or unknowns with a gal… somebody that can challenge my mind, to stretch it further or in a different direction – and hopefully that I can do the same for them.

Humor is something that is highly subjective and differs dramatically between individuals. A gal that “gets” my sense of humor and can laugh with/at me and that I can laugh with/at (i.e., doesn’t take themselves too seriously) will likely become a friend, if nothing more is in the cards for us. Life is too short to not enjoy it!

Musical ability or interests are something that I definitely pay attention to. Music is such an influential thing. While my music interests seem to cover a very wide selection of genres and generations, there is some music that I just cannot get into. In fact, most rap/hip-hop & country make my brain hurt. There just isn’t any other way I can think to put it. A gal that can sing and/or play an instrument is a turn-on, for sure.

Dependability is a rather broad term that I could probably use to apply to many traits as a whole. People that are often late, don’t come through with a commitment (this applies to so many things), blow people off when something more interesting than what was originally planned comes along, don’t offer to help others, gossip and back-stab, like to create drama, blah … blah … blah … generally people that consider themselves the center of the universe and don’t hold true to much that they say or do. These people drive me batty – and they seem to be ever-so plentiful in Southern California these days. I don’t put up with friends being like this, which means I’m definitely not going to tolerate it in a relationship.

The accumulation of things and status don’t mean squat to me. If it doesn’t serve a useful function, if it means having to act a specific way that’s contrary to my personality in order to maintain – then it isn’t for me. With rare exception, I don’t tend to give frilly gifts. I don’t collect “stuff”. There are no “Jones’ to keep up with” in my mind. If you expect flowers and jewelry all the time, you’re barking up the wrong tree with me.

Know-it-alls and those who rest on their laurels don’t have much of a place in my life. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t go to college or if you hold multiple degrees and I could care less what your title is – demonstrate to me that you know what you’re talking about or doing and you’ll gain my respect.

Sex. Yep, I have to throw this in here. If I find a gal attractive, and I’m interested in her, I’ll get to know her. Women that invest a lot of emotional commitment into sex probably won’t be a good match for me. To me sex is a fun thing, a physical way to enjoy somebody in a more personal way. I dislike it when people put an arbitrary timeframe on when it will or won’t happen. When the mood strikes and the timing is right, why not? It doesn’t mean that I’m in love – or ever will be – just because I had sex with a woman. I’m still very good friends with some of the women I’ve been with in the past. While it was all fun and such, we just made better friends and I’m totally happy that we were able to go back to just being friends. The right kinda gal for me won’t put sex on a pedestal and make it out to be this overly important issue. It is what it is so either do it and enjoy it or not at all (and we’ll just be friends).

So there you have it, my likes and dislikes in relationships. Most of this applies to friendships, as well. I’m sure that I’ve missed something, but for the most part it’s there. Be sure to check out part 2 of this, where I bare all about myself.

Full Disclosure – Part 2

This entry got off to a running start.